Even if it's not an orgasm, just that intimate touching and closeness.I do think there's something about the art of compartmentalising that you need to do a little bit of.I'm wondering how I can help him with that … because it's just become this cone of silence in a very, very deep, committed relationship.Alice (not her real name), 41, Sydney/Gadigal CountryI'm not in an unhappy marriage, but I could be in a much healthier marriage.Our sex life is non-existent.I can remember the way my husband used to look at me, and it was like in awe.I could tell how much he liked me and loved me.He used to hug me more and hold my hand He's the only person I want to be intimate with.If, like Ellen and Alice, you are stuck in a sex rut, Ms Grace says start by reducing your phone use, because it could be interrupting your opportunity for connection.For example, she says most people have their phones near them at bed, and it's the last thing they look at before it's time to sleep.It can feel "impossible" for someone to switch from the hyper stimulation of being on their phone to connecting sexually and being present in the moment, Ms Grace says.Couples also need to be willing to do things differently."Taking responsibility for your sex life includes getting across how you and your partner like to approach sex, and to ask each other how," Ms Grace says.For example, "Would you like me to initiate sex with you? What ways do you want me to move towards you?"She says great conversations about sex start with better questions."The best sexual partners are curious partners, because a curious partner says, 'I don't know more about your body than you'."I'm curious about this stage of life you're in