They asked in hushed tones, is that cultural appreciation or cultural appropriation?I said, why are we whispering?Comically, I was fielding calls from my Sri Lankan aunties and cousins saying, ughhhh but now we have to drag our saris around the world because you're wearing one!All I wanted was for everyone to be comfortable enough to spend a long time on the dance floor Until we got to Sri Lanka where he's referred to as a suddha — which translates to white person.When I started writing jokes about trying to navigate these experiences, the main piece of feedback from online trolls was, why do you care so much about colour? I don't — I'm so much more than my identity. But given the time and effort I spend in executing linguistic gymnastics to refer to myself politely, the least I can do is laugh about it to sidestep the frustration.At some point I firmly decided that all I can do is what feels right for me. I started to refer to myself as a brown woman because that's who I see in the mirror